BHIF: We're a best seller???
Major league spitball. The worst coast. Naftali Hertsik. A mysterious package. What about Bob? The fellas and Rupert Murdoch. BagelFest. Is there such a thing as too much gambling?
Welcome to BHIF for Friday September 27, 2024. Baruch Hashem (Thank God) It’s Friday is The Old Jewish Men weekly roundup where we get to all the crap that actually matters in the world. Obituary winners. Matchmaking. Market watch. Marketplace finds. Complaint of the week. You get the picture.
The OJM Spitball Collection
Don’t know what to do with all that phlegm? The world’s most exciting sport just got better: introducing the OJM Spitball Collection. A series of hats, shirts, and crop tops from 17 different teams and a bonus 18th OJM baseball logo version.
OJM Obit of the Week: Naftali Hershtik (77, Jerusalem)
Jerusalem’s beloved smooth-as-silk-Cantor, Naftali Hershtik, who sang for six Israeli prime ministers, a soulful, spirited man, surrendered to kidney disease at 77. Those who heard Hershtik sing said he could get very deep (lucky wife!), but could also extend to a high falsetto. Yada yada yada, his parents survived the camps, lived in squalor, lived on scraps, and went to Israel where Naftali learned to sing on Ben Yehuda Street. Life sure used to be more cinematic, didn’t it? Nowadays people learn to sing on YouTube, or in the shower. “Naftali Hershtik reminded us that music is the language of the soul, and that a cantor can reach a congregation in ways no rabbi can,” said Rabbi Marc Schneier, senior rabbi of the Hampton Synagogue, which held a tribute to Mr. Hershtik on his 70th birthday in 2017. We’re sad that we never had the pleasure of hearing Hershtik’s voice. But listening to him would require going to synagogue, and that ain’t happening.
Upcoming Events
→ OJM Takes Las Las Angeles Sunday Sep 29
→ 5th Annual New York BagelFest Saturday Sep 28
The 5th Annual New York BagelFest, presented by King Arthur Baking Company, is coming up THIS Saturday, September 28th at Citi Field's Piazza 31 Club from 10 am-4 pm.
BagelFest is a culinary celebration of the city’s most beloved breakfast staple, tailor-made for bagel enthusiasts and industry professionals alike! This year's event will showcase unlimited tastings from 50 of the crème de la crème of bagel artisans and breakfast brands from around the globe, plus a Bagel Rolling Championship, Industry Talks panels, family-friendly activities throughout the day, and the highly-anticipated "Best Bagel" Awards Ceremony.
Join us this weekend for THE quintessential New York experience (see here!). Purchase tickets here!
OJM Around Town
An OJM pictured sporting a power donut and book while on the can. Just as we intended. Thanks to the poor soul who took this picture. Happy pushing.
What about Bob? The proud IBS survivor has been slammed, slaving away at Saint Francis College. Just last week Bob slashed the school’s chair budget – “kids learn much more when they’re forced to learn standing up,” Bob like to say.
These guys found out that they’re brothers — separated at birth – while schmoozing at the OJM book launch.
Aaron and Dave getting the hard questions at the NYPOST offices like, “what time did you wake up yesterday and why?”
Local painter, Jon Burgerman, deeply absorbed in Old Jewish Men philosophy.
News
→ Apparently People Still Buy Books
Who knew bestseller lists go up to 150? Well we debuted at 120 on the USA Today list. A lucky number. Moshe Rabeynu lived to 120! and the average life expectancy of Old Jewish Men living in climates with an average temperature of 97 degrees and 100% humidity live an average of 120 years.
Help us break into double digits for next week: Buy a copy here or at your neighborhood bookstore.
→ Legalizing Sports Gambling Was a Huge Mistake, The Atlantic
Maybe you’re one of the few pure hearts who has somehow side-stepped classic American addictions like pornography, scratch tickets, and sweet cereal…well, now there’s a new one: the burgeoning online sports betting market. Recent studies found that engaging in sports betting leads to a “roughly 9 percent increase in intimate-partner violence”. We expect lawmakers to wake up when it gets closer to 25%.
Marketplace
→ Trump Plaza Vintage Casino Dice Keychains ($20 each or $125 for 7, Wyckoff NJ)
Take it from us, if you ain’t grifting you ain’t winning. Before Trump was hawking scam NFTs and gold coins, he had suckers buying “special” casino dice keychains.
→ Roman Dice (Auction starting at 100 euros, Alicante Spain)
If Trump dice are too modern how about a 1st-3rd century AD bronze Roman die instead?
→ Classifieds: Want to run your own classified in this very section? Reach over 7800 subscribers (a few even open the emails!). Email info@oldjewishmen.net.
Weekly Mishmash
→ Market Roundup
Dow Jones: $42155.53
Average price gallon of streimel in Bet Shemesh: 25.02 NIS
NIS/USD: 3.69
Breakfast for two at Holy Bagel: 80-120 NIS
Barber, cut (no shave) Sicily: 10-25 euros
→ Complaint of the Week: No submissions this week. Hard to believe that our readers don’t have anything to bitch about…
→ Ask the (Eastern Standard Time) Rabbi
Fri Sep 27:
6:44pm: Shabbos begins
9:44pm: Double Mitzvah Time (honey, bring me my pills)
Sat Sep 28:
3:33pm: Post Lunch Double Mitzvah Round 2 (yikes)
7:22pm: Shabbat ends (next shabbos no more sweets)
Could I please ask about the logo on Bob's tie? Bunny and crossbones. Is that a fancy club of some sort?