BHIF: Do they actually like each other?
Jeff Garlin and the fellas. Bob takes Manhattan. Jews of Wash Heights. Solars. Do you tip on a nose job? Complaints are BACK.
Welcome to BHIF for Friday August 9, 2024. Baruch Hashem (Thank God) It’s Friday is The Old Jewish Men weekly roundup where we get to all the crap that actually matters in the world. Obituary winners. Matchmaking. Market watch. Marketplace finds. Complaint of the week. You get the picture.
Obit of the Week: Manfred Kirchheimer (93, NYC)
Film director and Washington Heights native, Manfred Kirchheimer, yells ‘cut’ for the last time at 93. For decades, Kirchheimer struggled to get the attention of the New York Times. In the 80s he chased graffitied subway cars, filming in downtown jazz lofts, focusing his camera on the ‘visual poems’ of the city: jazzers, street walkers, Upper West Side passersby, and his own parents who survived Nazi Germany. As NYT obit writer Alex Traub writes, “he meticulously crafted short films and documentaries in relative obscurity. Then, in his 80s, he enjoyed a burst of productivity and acclaim.” At the time it was devastating for the young filmmaker, going unnoticed by the paper of record. Well, sometimes the best is saved for last. After releasing four films between 2018-2022, the Times declared Manfred a “symphonist of the city.” Well, that’s good. But this obituary says it all. When a man gets over a thousand words from that decorated midtown Obits desk you know he’s made a dent in the hard walls of history. Now you can rest in peace, Manny.
Special Events
We have no events coming up. Phew. Write to us in the comments or directly with ideas. Or should we stop doing events? That would sure be a lot easier.
Old Jewish Men Around Town
Is Bob interviewing or being interviewed? Either way he’s got something to say. Bob’s always got a story.
Marlboro reported a surge in growth last quarter thanks to Bob’s hard work.
A rare glimpse of the fellas together in the west village after lunch at La Bonbonniere. The question on everyone’s mind: do they actually like each other??
Old Jewish Men style in the wild. That’s Lou reading the Times outside a coffee shop in Park Slope.
Jeff Garlin took the fellas to lunch the other day. There’s Aaron posing for a picture that Jeff requested. Jeff’s a big fan of the Old Jewish Men’s Guide to Eating, Sleeping and Futzing Around.
Bob ran into an old friend from the now defunct NAP shoot. Maybe Bianca can help us negotiate that Cease and Desist.
A note from the king of the Upper West Side
News
→ How Nose Jobs Went Viral, Cosmopolitan
“I wanted my nose to look like it had a filter on.” Everyone has the wrong ideas when it comes to noses. Having a giant honking schnoz is a sign of not only good breeding, but is a key survival skill. When the apocalypse comes, you should hope to get stuck with someone with a giant trunk who can smell their way out of trouble. People with button noses might look good in magazines, but when the rubber meets the road, they won’t last a second in dangerous conditions. If you got a big old sniffer, don’t go changing it. And if hooked, that’s even better. You don’t know what kind of cans you’ll need to open when the world ends.
→ Chipotle Fans Take Burrito ‘Skimp’ Into Their Own Hands, WSJ
OJM was VERY early to use scales at restaurants. Yet another trend that originated here at the OJM offices. The general public is now so paranoid that Chipotle is skimping, especially on online orders, that they’re weighing everything. Here’s the problem: if enough people complain, Chipotle won’t have a choice but to weigh every single burrito. If that happens gone are the days of huge, bulging burritos that need to be double tortilla wrapped.
→ Sports: As the weather clouded over, the Mets reverted to their old ways. Welcome back, mediocrity, we know you well. After much lackluster play, the boys are doing just enough not to lose a playoff spot (4-3 on current road trip). In truth, recent weeks have revealed that the Mets have mastered the art of middling…and not the good kind Larry David talked about.
Unfortunately, history has told the Citi Field fellas that it's “ok to be ok”. And maybe it is? Perhaps that’s what we expect, or even want from our Mets. We understand them as average, so maybe they should just stay that way? That being said, the Mets begin a three-game series against the Mariners tonight. And if they don’t win that series, they’re worse than average. They’re bad.
Marketplace
This week we’re getting Rabbinical.
→ Dispute of a Monk and Rabbi by Alfred Lakos ($2900 OBO)
→ Rabbi Putting Tefillin on a Boy Stitched Art ($68.98 OBO)
The Old Jewish Men’s Guide to Eating, Sleeping, and Futzing Around (out September 17th) now comes with a very special pre-order gift. Most book pre-orders get you bupkis or at most a PDF of crap, but we’re now offering a free bagel spreader!
No coffee table or toilet-top is complete without the Old Jewish Men’s Guide to Eating, Sleeping and Futzing Around.
→ Classifieds: Need more customers? Need a date? We don’t care what it is! Reach over 7500 subscribers (half even open the emails!). Email info@oldjewishmen.net.
Weekly Mishmash
→ Market Roundup
Dow Jones: $39446.49
Average price of 1bdrm in Beit Shemesh: 2m NIS
NIS/USD: 3.73
Werther's Butterscotch in Miami Walgreens: $3.50
Single shot of Arak in Jerusalem: 25 NIS
→ Joke of the Week: (This is an old one)
A husband comes home to his wife of 20 years
Husband: Darling, I’m home and I brought you some aspirins.
Wife: But I don’t have a headache.
Husband: Then let’s fuck.
→ Complaint of the Week: WE’RE BACK, BABY. Last week we had zero submissions but plenty of irate BHIF readers this week who submitted.
My complaint: BASEBALL ANNOUNCERS ON NATIONAL BROADCASTS. Is it my steadily declining hearing or is it constitutionally impossible for the play-by-play and color guys to speak louder SO THAT THEY CAN BE HEARD ABOVE THE ROAR OF THE CROWD?! Either speak up or know when to shut up. Where are the directors of these broadcasts?? (They've probably turned off the sound like most people.)
Paul Ansell, Tampa Bay
→ Ask the (Eastern Standard Time) Rabbi
Fri Aug 9:
8:01pm: Shabbos begins
9:44pm: Double Mitzvah Time (no headache? It’s go time…)
Sat Aug 10:
3:33pm: Post Lunch Double Mitzvah Round 2 (hmm, why does she seem to be enjoying it so much?)
8:44pm: Shabbat ends (woof. Not as much rest as I would’ve liked)
When I visit my son in Park Slope I’m going to look for you. I’d like to share a bagel with you.
Baseball is a slow going game in general. The commentators should take a cue from the NBC commentators calling the track and swimming events! They are knowledgeable, loud and excited when they call the races!