BHIF: How to Die in Style
WHATA WEEK. Shmurah or Costco Matzo? Adios, OJ. More trivia? Free Katz! Aaron’s niece. LED lights are poison. Single of the week.
Welcome to BHIF for Friday April 19, 2024. Baruch Hashem (Thank God) It’s Friday is The Old Jewish Men weekly roundup where we get to all the crap that actually matters in the world. Obituary winners. Matchmaking. Market watch. Marketplace finds. Complaint of the week. You get the picture.
People
→ Obit of the Week: Maurice El Medioni (95, Herzliya)
Maurice El Medioni, a rocking Pianist Who united Jewish and Arab tunes, hangs up his hat at 95. The Algerian-born musician combined his Sephardic roots with Arab traditions, incorporating boogie-woogie and other influences to create an unmistakable style. He will be remembered for his musical talent, but also for his mustache, which was always well-trimmed and the envy of many men in the Jewish State.
→ OJM Single of the Week: Sarah (NYC, 30-something)
A NJG and lifetime New Yorker who works in show biz, looking for the Marty Scorcese to her Fran Leibowitz. You: A kind and funny NJB in his 30-40's (or 20's with an advanced reading level), aspiring to grow into an old Jewish power couple.
Want to get in touch? Email us at info@oldjewishmen.net and we’ll connect.
→ OJM Look of the Week:
OJM Around Town
→ Old Jewish Men and Susan Alexandra Trivia Night. A shocking amount of people shelled out for this. There was a lot of arguing, but no physical altercations, unless you count Dave and Aaron fighting for the last Tony’s Chocolat-O bar. The lucky winners received new OJM gear and got a fresh look at the newest Lifshitz hat. They didn’t get to touch the hat, but we did let them look at it. What an honor. Next trivia night is coming soon - just what the world needs. Stand by.
→ Free Katz? No problem. Aaron and Dave were invited to Katz for New York Nico’s pre-passover seder. The duo doesn’t eat treif, but they still found plenty to do. The fellas spent the evening drilling complimentary Doctor Browns, munching plates of french fries and arguing about which matzo is better: Shmura or Costco. It all comes down to the salt.
→ Bob, Aaron and Dave wanted to go to the beach the other day but got lost on the train and ended up at a diner in Park Slope where they spent the morning slurping bottomless coffee and criticizing the texture of the establishment’s poached eggs — Not a bad turn of events. This is also an image from a commercial the fellas are doing for Bombas. Looks like we’re moving up in the world and Bombas is moving on down!
News
→ Sports: This is the time of the year when every guy wants to dump their girlfriend for two months, lock themselves in the den and go on an NBA playoffs bender. Watching Jimmy Butler commandeer an under-manned, eighth seed or Jaylen Brunson shaking and baking that hefty tuchus to the rim night-in-and-night out is the most fun a guy can have without taking his pants off. If you want our predictions/gambling advice, stay away from the Celtics. Vegas has them as favorites to win it all (+180), but when in doubt don’t bet green to take the brass in June.
The West is great this year, but it’s hard to see a yellow-bellied team like the T-Wolves or OKC making a real run at an experienced club like the Nuggets. Look for Jokic to turn up the temperature and the Denver Diggers to make a 2001 Lakers era Finals run. Don’t bet against the Serb.
Oh yeah. And what about the Knicks? If you want some bang for your buck, take the Knickerbockers to lose to the Nuggets in the finals at 35-1, which was 38-1 before Jimmy Butler got injured at press time. In other words, if Jason Tatum breaks his leg the Knicks are a lock for the East.
→ Everyone’s gambling all the time: Mortgage rates are sky high and traditional investments are boring, so now everyone wants to gamble. There’s sports, crypto, day-trading, and meme stocks. The whole world has become a casino. We’ll bet five bucks that your wife yells at you to put the seat down before 5PM today. Is this kind of daily wagering healthy? Eh, it’s like that dull daily pain throbbing in your chest, better not to think about it.
→ The age-old question: (no pun intended) is whether it’s better to live your life for enjoyment or for a non-guaranteed future life. What if your bloodwork is great but you hate your job? Is it worth it to spend your time worrying about whether cashews have too much fat in them or dabbing pizza? Who has time to poach their own eggs? Do you really wanna take the stairs instead of the elevator? If you enjoy being alive, maybe consider finding ways to extend it. But if you find life to be kinda so-so, what’s the point? The New Yorker has more to say about it.
→ Pickleball vs. Hinge: “Forget dating apps: NYC pickleball courts are the hot new singles scene” writes the NY Post. It’s easy to hate pickleball -- it’s noisy and no one likes a fanatic, but everyone likes a deal. It’s impossible to deny how many people can fit on a court per square foot compared to tennis. Not to mention the games are faster and people rotate in and out. “There are so many men, but they’re all obsessed with pickleball,” the woman, who declined to give her name, told The Post. “I could probably play naked, and they would be like, ‘What’s the score?'”
Marketplace
Pesach cometh. Here are some seder plates from around the country.
→ Vintage Seder Plate from the 50s ($30, LA) (Also in Calabasas for $15.)
→ Ugly Seder Plate (Chicago, $24)
→ Weird Seder Plate (North Brunswick NJ, $35)
→ Classifieds: Need more customers? Need a date? We don’t care what it is! Reach over 7000 subscribers (half even open the emails!). Email info@oldjewishmen.net.
Weekly Mishmash
→ Market Roundup:
S&P 500: $5010.17
Hebrew National Beef Hot Dog: $6.49 for 6 ($1.08 a piece)
NIS/USD: 3.79
Gas: $3.67
Beer at a Mets game: $7.50
Taco Bell Bean Burrito: $1.79
Gold: $2384.14
→ Joke of the Week: Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac? - George Carlin
→ Ask the (Eastern Standard Time) Rabbi:
Fri Apr 19:
7:40pm: Shabbos Begins
9:44pm: Double Mitzvah Time (its all in the hips)
Sat Apr 20:
3:33pm: Post Lunch Double Mitzvah Round 2 (then hit snooze)
8:24pm: Shabbat ends