BHIF: Mega Black Friday Firestorm Edition. Greed is good. Bob's visionary guide to shelling out for the people we mostly love
This list is hand-picked by OJM head designer, Bob, an expert and visionary in the art of gift giving. Now THAT'S priceless. (Part 1)
Welcome to BHIF for Friday November 29, 2024.
Remember, giving is all about you…
If you’ve ever gambled, you know that the juice, the excitement is in the wager more than the dollar amount. Sure, winning is better than losing, and winning a LOT is memorable (especially if it allowed you to pay off your bookie). But when you think back on a time when you wagered, the odds are you can’t remember how much you bet, but you can remember how good it felt to roll the dice. Like when you were a kid and bet your brother on a parlay: that you could egg Izzy Hofferman’s newly painted garage without getting caught AND name Martin Van Buren’s shoe size. You won. You were right!
Feels good, eh?
That’s what gambling is all about: knowing, but with balls. The same is true of gift giving. The real rush isn’t about the thing, it’s about anticipation; the size and weight of the gift, wondering if the people in your life know you well enough to get you something you want. Even those who think they care about stuff, real materialists, unbeknownst to them, are more concerned with the emotion of it. We need things, we want things, but anything tangible comes up short.
The fun is the speculation rather than the short lived, albeit thrilling seconds of unveiling. Gift utility is underwhelming: sweaters get holes, cars break, shoes wear out, money is spent, books are never read, coats are rarely heavy enough or light enough, and home goods means you’re old.
A lot of emotion goes into gift giving, and it isn’t completely useless output. We know that people understand something about us based on the gifts we receive: a copy of Crime and Punishment says something that a gift certificate to a back waxing treatment does not. And of course, every woman knows that plated gold is not the same as 14k. Any man who claims to not know the difference is in for a little bit of hell this holiday season.
If there is any universal truth when it comes to gift giving: more karats equals more love, any chump with a credit card knows that, and: specificity is king. The closer you can get to a person’s true identity and aspirations with a gift — no matter the price tag — the better you will fare. Since most people don’t have time to think deeply about anyone but themselves, here is Bob’s cheat code. Part 1.
The odds are if they like what we do over here at the OJM Offices, they will identify with these gift choices. And if they don’t? Who wants needs ‘em?! And hey, this ain’t all self promotion either. Some of these products aren’t even ours!
Happy shelling out.
Gift Guide 1: Clothes
Hanukkah Sweatshirts
OJM Menorah Sweatshirt ($69, OJM)
1991 Vintage Dreidel Sweatshirt ($50, eBay)
JPress
Denim Chore Coat ($165, JPress)
JPress Cable Knit Cotton Sweater ($53.99, eBay)
OJM All Complaints Tour
OJM All Complaints Tour T-shirt ($40, OJM)
Arguably OJM’s funniest shirt.
Hed Mayner from Colbo
Looking for more oversized clothes for your strange body? Introducing Hed Mayner…
Not cheap, since these clothes are made with mucho material, but at least Colbo’s 20% off till November 29. Bonus, Colbo lets OJM hangout/ drink coffee on premises all day.
Hed Mayner Striped Shirt ($790, Colbo)
Hed Mayner Brown Crewneck Sweater ($765, Colbo)
OJM Sweats
OJM Courage Bagels Hoodie ($85, OJM)
If you live in LA these are sold at the Courage Bagel shop at 777 Virgil Avenue. Save on shipping!
OJM Bighead Shorts ($59.99, OJM)
For the pro lounger in your life. Support the fellas at Citi Field.
University Gear
Haifa University ($64.99, eBay)
Hebrew University of Jerusalem ($45, eBay)
Yeshiva University Hoodie ($39.95, eBay)
Cashmere Sweaters from The RealReal
Loro Piana Cashmere Crewneck ($269.50, TRR)
Brunello Cucinelli Cashmere Zip Sweater ($222.50, TRR)
Costco Underwear and Socks
Kirkland Signature Men's Boxer Brief, 4-pack ($16.99, Costco)
Kirkland Signature Men's Athletic Sock, 8-pair ($14.99, Costco)
Top quality socks at a great price.
OJM Hat
OJM Ralph Lifshitz Olympic Hat ($54, OJM)
4 embroidery marks. This is a steal.
Outlier Pants
Hate changing pants? Get a pair of these and wear ‘em forever.
Outlier Deux Dungarees ($275, Outlier)
Outlier Futuregliders ($295, Outlier)
Collared Items from The RealReal
Brooks Brothers Shirt ($24, TRR)
Excellent value here.
Ralph Lauren Purple Label Cashmere Suit ($375, TRR)
Ralph Lauren Purple Label Shirt ($68, TRR)
Ties
A classic.
Scarves
Burberry Cashmere Scarf ($185.50, TRR)
Burberry Plaid Lambswool Scarf ($90, Poshmark)
OJM Hannukah Sweepstakes
Enter here to win a bunch of free junk from a few of your favorite businesses. Yeah that’s right, Carnegie even threw in a sandwich. Click here to enter. IT’S FREE. NOTHING BUT UPSIDE!
Upcoming Events
Want your event to show up here? Reach over 11,500 subscribers (a few even open the emails!). Email info@oldjewishmen.net!
Soon
Dec 1: Chabad Shluchim Photo (Crown Heights)
Plenty of Rabbis
Dec 1: Weitzman Jewish History Museum Hanukkah Market (Philadelphia)
A talk with New York Times big shot Jonah Bromwich followed by a book signing with OJM’s very own Noah Rinsky.
Kinda Soon
Dec 8: NY Jewish Book Festival (NYC)
The prestigious NYJBF. Noah Rinsky talks with New York Times big shot Jonah Bromwich followed by a book signing.
Dec 19: Susan Alexandra (NYC)
Holiday Party with Carnegie Deli. Major value here.
Weekly Mishmash
→ Market Roundup
Dow Jones: What are we buying when the market’s this high? Get out and sit in cash or buy Uranium?? We need energy!
Average price of a divorce in Denver: Whatever the cost, pay it. There’s no price for peace.
NIS/USD: 3.64
Resuscitation in America: Forget it. You’re on your own.
Rhinoplasty, Palm Beach: $8k (depending on the size of nose)
→ Ask the (Eastern Standard Time) Rabbi
Fri Nov 29:
4:29pm: Shabbat begins
Sat Nov 30:
5:14pm: Shabbat ends