BHIF: The Heil Scale...

Jules Feiffer. Carnal Knowledge. The Long Island cause. Mikes Amazing Mustard. Are you a Rimmer? January Restivus. Heller and Rinsky.

Welcome to BHIF for Friday January 24, 2024. Baruch Hashem (Thank God) It’s Friday is The Old Jewish Men weekly roundup where we get to all the crap that actually matters in the world. Obituary winners. Matchmaking. Market watch. Marketplace finds. Complaint of the week. Joke of the week. You get the picture.

Obits

Jules Feiffer, multi-talented cartoonist with acidic pen, is on to the next project at 95.

Feiffer, a fierce critic of human nature known for his confessional style that often skewered, kicked the bucket last week near his home in Albany. When Feiffer wasn’t working on his long-running strip for the Village Voice, “Feiffer”, he kept himself busy penning scripts for directors like Alain Resnais, Robert Altman and Mike Nichols. He famously illustrated the Phantom Tollbooth, a more playful and less typically Feiffer-esque work.

A Feiffer strip was usually feral, always with a searing bite.

Jules Feiffer leaves behind a body of work that includes books, memoirs, screenplays, movies, and comic strips. As far as Feiffer’s actual body was concerned, it wasn’t the most impressive. Mortician’s describe it as “a little flabby” with average body hair and below average organs, but an impressive power donut that Feiffer wore proudly since balding in his mid-twenties.

OJM Around Town

We had book events in New Jersey and Long Island the past few weeks to
spread “the cause.”

This guy is some sort of Tough Jew/Grumpy Intellectual crossover

After dropping the book, this fella instinctually brought it to his lips, only to say, “what the hell am I doing?”

Unclear how this guy snuck his into the event. Although he does have the barrel chest of a much older man.

Dave and Aaron consulting on something extremely important…most likely the shape of the knishes and lack of Mike’s Amazing Mustard at the refreshment table.

OJM Fashion Corner

These shirts are only available on the second hand market. This was the first ever run of OJM clothing — a testament to our bulletproof quality.

OJM in the wild. The taller the man, the smaller and more oval the eyeglasses can be. Nothing stupider looking than a short guy with tiny round glasses and a beret.

OJM News Desk

Our inbox has been pretty jammed up this week with OJM callers asking us to weigh-in on the Elon salute. Was that…? Is that…? Well, luckily there’s a graph for everything these days. The jury ISN’T out on this one.

Check out the HEIL SCALE below.

To learn more about the Nazi heil there’s no better expert than comedian, Jerry Seinfeld. Click here to learn more.

From the deepest bowels of Wikipedia. Here are some OJM contributions to the internet’s largest information database…

oldjewishmen

A post shared by @oldjewishmen

Events

This event is SOLD OUT. But maybe some people will drop out by monday? Keep an eye out. Who the hell knows.

→ Joke of the Week (Don Rickles):

“Italians are fantastic people, really. They can work you ever in an alley while singing an opera.”

→ Complaint of the Week from our in-house complaint expert, Leecy Davis.

Unsolicited dumping of your life problems on people needs to stop. End. Finito.

Sure, my face might make you feel warm and fuzzy, like some fluffy grandma who’s gonna bake you cookies and run a bubble bath when everything goes to hell. It’s called a mask - we all wear one to survive, at the least the intelligent amongst us. Stop confusing my “How are you?” as an invitation to tell me the ins and outs of why you can’t cope with your life. I may look like I’m sympathetic, but in reality, my brain has come up with a set of insults, unique to you, I’m gonna debut in my next OJM column.

I am not your mother. I am not your therapist. Eat those feelings like the rest of us.

→ Ask the (Eastern Standard Time) Rabbi

Fri Jan 24:

4:46pm: Shabbat begins (what a week. Pass the antacid)

Sat Jan 25:

5:49pm: Shabbat ends (Oof, never eating cholent again.)

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