BHIF: The midwest, Zingerman’s and beyond…what a schlep

Coffee cake. A book to keep the marriage clicking along. OJM in Philly. What the hell is a Colbo? Pills. Shluchim. What a day. Too much gambling?

Welcome to BHIF for Friday November 15, 2024. Baruch Hashem (Thank God) It’s Friday is The Old Jewish Men weekly roundup where we get to all the crap that actually matters in the world. Obituary winners. Matchmaking. Market watch. Marketplace finds. Complaint of the week. Joke of the week. You get the picture.

OJM Around Town

We had book events in Ann Arbor and Cherry Hill, New Jersey this week to spread the “cause” outside the coasts.

“I credit this book with teaching me about awesome things like anal goiters that i didn’t know existed even though I went to med school and practiced medicine for 45 years!”

Not sure how she weaseled her way into this newsletter, but WOW what a looker. 

Resting pulse jumped 65% during the taking of this photo 

Next time buy two!

Watch out ladies, this guy has a full head of hair and keeps looking at your sister. 

Another one? How do these lovely women keep showing up in a newsletter about Old Jewish Men! Lookit that rock on her hand…now that’s love!

We count 5 layers not including the coat. 11/10!

Must be a convert, he’s well over five foot seven.

She bought 3 so she gets a newsletter feature. Everything’s got a price-tag. 

He’s never felt more alive. 

Future Fed Chairman

Upcoming Events

Non-OJM

Want your event to show up here? Reach over 11,000 subscribers (a few even open the emails!). Email info@oldjewishmen.net!

Nov 15-17: Love Symposium (Berkeley)

People trying to solve modern relationships. It’s in Berkeley so God knows what they’ll come up with.

Kinda soon

Nov 24: Colbo (NYC)

Book signing and OJM holiday junk – should be some value. 

Later

Dec 1: Chabad Shluchim Photo (Crown Heights)

Plenty of Rabbis

Dec 1: Weitzman Jewish History Museum Hanukkah Market (Philadelphia)

A talk with New York Times big shot Jonah Bromwich followed by a book signing with OJM’s very own Noah Rinsky.

Dec 8: NY Jewish Book Festival (NYC)

The prestigious NYJBF. Noah Rinsky talks with New York Times big shot Jonah Bromwich followed by a book signing.

Dec 19: Susan Alexandra (NYC)

Holiday Party with Carnegie Deli. Major value here.

News

The Online Sports Gambling Experiment Has Failed, Zvi Mowshowitz

Gambling is everywhere. Some say it’s too much, others are pissed that legal betting markets haven’t come to their town and they’re stuck placing with the same bookie their dad used — the guy with the long fingernails and bad breath. Zvi says we need some friction, some balance. “You should need to go to a physical location to place fully legal bets of a non-trivial size, or at least interact with a human or bear some other cost or risk”. The jury is out until you win a major parlay and can buy her a nice bouquet for shabbos.

Weekly Mishmash

→ Market Roundup

Dow Jones: WAY TOO HIGH (BUY GOLD!)

Average price of a divorce in New Jersey: pay whatever. It’s worth it. 

NIS/USD: 3.75

Ambulance ride in Miami: $1650-ish, including basic life support services (no happy ending)

Wart removal, Denver: $610

→ Joke of the Week (Don Rickles): I like to think I’m like the guy who goes to the office Christmas party Friday night, insults some people, but still has his job Monday morning.

→ Complaint of the Week. Two complaints this week? Here’s LEECY’S COMPLAINT of the week. 

Why am I expected to pay at dinner? I go to dinner with friends…we talk, we nosh, we fight, and eventually make amends — it’s not required, spite is the key to a long-lasting relationship. But, as soon as the waiter comes over with the check everyone starts hiding their wallets nudging the bill over to me. What happened to yelling at each other, “no I’ll pay,” “oh please, you’re such a kiss ass - give me the check!”…no, you just pick the one friend with an ironed shirt and assume they’re the breadwinner of the group. 

Here’s to a miserable, spite-filled week!

Danielle, 21, from Florida (Bat Mitzvah’d at 15)

Here’s something that drives me fucking crazy. I hate when they name a coffee shop or a restaurant something stupid. I’m seeing it everywhere especially in the south they have this stupid trend of naming the place “something & something”—two nouns that are tangentially related at best. For example in the airport I saw a coffee shop called “Whiskey & Bowl”….what the hell does that mean? You sell $8 mochas and $5 pastries (which honestly looked pretty good) There’s not a whiskey in sight. And whiskey and bowls have nothing to do with each other. They don’t even sound good together, the syllables are off. I was seething. Grow up.

→ Ask the (Eastern Standard Time) Rabbi

Fri Oct Nov 15: 

4:37pm: Shabbat begins (what a week. Pass the antacid)

Sat Nov 16: 

5:20pm: Shabbat ends (Oof, never eating cholent again.)