BHIF: The Strongest Jew Award...

+1600?? Segan in the wild. New York's real knishery. Do you look like Larry? Hat of the summer. Old Jewish Men in the wild. Who died this week? Coolant

Welcome to BHIF for Friday May 30th, 2025. Baruch Hashem (Thank God) It’s Friday is The Old Jewish Men weekly roundup where we get to all the crap that actually matters in the world. Obituary winners. Matchmaking. Market watch. Marketplace finds. Complaint of the week. Joke of the week. You get the picture.

Cholent Town. The sacred Mush. Shabbos Sludge.

What should cholent look like? Or not look like. Cholent, aka Shabbos Sludge is the culinary embodiment of “we had a few things in the fridge and no time to think because the kids are screaming and shabbos is about to start.”

Cholent is what happens when Jews try to keep Shabbos but insist on eating something piping hot at noon on Saturday. It’s a slow-cooked pot of idiotic optimism; throwing caution to the wind and hoping it doesn’t taste like a slow cooked pile of shit.

This is the classy stuff your neighbors make.

this is closer to the slop that you produce. A little bit gross, but still tasty.

…Around Town

A Larry David look-alike contest in the Berkshires? That’s like having a hoarding contest in a Costco parking lot or a chain-smoking contest at a bowling alley. You’d be hard pressed to find a guy at Tanglewood this summer who doesn’t look like LD.

Italians and Jews. Same division different conference. Either way, they’re both bad at parking.

This is the friend you need when the grid goes down.

Old Jewish arm wrestle to finally answer the question: WHO IS THE STRONGEST JEW? OJM VIDEO INCOMING!

Fashion Corner

NEW OJM PRODUCT ALERT!!!!!!!!!!

FINALLY A PICKLE PRINCESS HAT

If you were wondering why you can’t find any Claussens in the tri state

Aside from having the world’s biggest vintage OJM collection. This guy sells knockoff Russ and Daughters lox.

Perhaps the best OJM shirt ever made. C is for CUALITY

Sports Desk

YOUR NOT GOING BLIND. THAT IS ACTUALLY THE CORRECT SCORE

THE KNISHES LEARN HOW TO COOK
by Horsen M. Fecalblatt, sports reporter emeritus (fired in ’02, still showing up)

Well well well… would you look at that… the Knishes remembered how to cook. Game 5 on 7th avenue and they didn’t embarrass themselves in the last five minutes of play. There was that moment in the fourth quarter with five minutes left when you could sense it, the Pacers about to make a run. The bookies started to take calls all over the Garden, phones buzzing with gamblers taking the other side, but nada. New York was too sweaty and angry to lose last night.

Below an image of Jalen Brunson in the fourth quarter, having his way with the opposition.

The Garden was shaking. At one point I thought I was having a stroke, the good kind. Game 5 goes to the Knishes. Do I believe? Of course not. I’m from Queens and we don’t believe in anything except traffic and pollution.

So nu? Game 6 in Indiana. Let’s see if the boys can get us back to 7th avenue to finish this off with a little spicy mustard, or if I’m gonna be bitching into July per usual.

Events

Author Noah Rinsky talks about the Old Jewish Men’s Guide to Eating, Sleeping and Futzing Around with Curb Your Enthusiasm’s Jeff Garlin and Rabbi David Ingber. Click here for tickets.

The 2nd Annual Rotisserie Chicken Eating Competition

The date is set for July 20th. The time is TBD. The location is ROMA PIZZA in Park Slope. 85 7th Avenue. Paid subscribers can register for $15 and unpaid subs can shell out $25. Space is very limited. We’re almost capped.

→ Joke of the Week (Jackie Mason)

Did you ever hear of a kid playing accountant — even if they wanted to be one?

→ Wisdom of the Week (The Rebbe)

More important than writing is erasing

→ Complaint of the Week from our in-house complaint expert, Leecy Davis

I’m going on a buying strike. I’m tired of these robot, AI customer service “agents”, that do nothing! I thought the phone calls where I have to repeat myself twenty times to be told, “I’m sorry, I didn’t understand you - good bye,” were the worst. I bought from one company earlier this month who sends you to their website with any problems. Where I was met with six generic prompts that did loopty loops around my issue. Those prompts lead me to more prompts which still got me nowhere, and ended with a “I can’t help you - please call our customer service center.” Do you know what I got when I called customer service? A robot.

I've spent too much time being told by a robot I can’t be helped. If I wanted that, I’d just talk to my mother.

Fri May 30th:

7:56pm: Shabbat begins (no liver?)

Sat May 31st:

9:03pm: Shabbat ends (being chosen ain’t all it’s cracked up to me)