BHIW: BUY ROSH HASHANAH SELL YOM KIPPUR
Agony takes a holiday. The Braves cower. So long, Hebrewers. Go MEATS. LA prices. Rizzoli. Modi. The Segans. Peck. Gut g’bencht yar. NO BHIF THIS WEEK.
Welcome to BHIW (RH) Special Edition for Wednesday October 2, 2024. Baruch Hashem (Thank God) It’s Friday is The Old Jewish Men weekly roundup where we get to all the crap that actually matters in the world. Obituary winners. Matchmaking. Market watch. Marketplace finds. Complaint of the week. You get the picture.
Shana Tova from OJM
תכלה שנה וקללותיה, תחל שנה וברכותיה
“May this year and its curses come to an end, and may a new year of blessing begin.”
Real Jewish Wisdom. Thanks Pete, the Einstein of Wall Street. Buy the shirt before sundown.
OJM Takes Rizzoli
A few more books and we’ll overtake Nike. Watch your ass, Phil Night. We’re gonna IPO. 5785, or more likely 5786 is our year.
Rian Johnson’s muse, Noah Segan (pictured with offspring), meets his hero, Dave. “He’s taller than I thought he’d be!” Segan said.
Dave and Josh Peck chopping it up at the OJM and Courage Bagel event moments before Dave passed out in the bathroom from gluten poisoning.
Courage Bagels owner showing off the newest menu item. The sandwich almost had enough onions on it. Boy, she’s a looker eh?
Agony Takes a Holiday
→The Mets slaughter the Braves and pound the Hebrewers in Cheese Town.
Surely the boys will find a way to screw it up in a few weeks, but for now we’re savoring the postponement of post-season Agony. Critics say we put out this agony merchandise too soon, but for those who understand the plight of our favorite Meats, losing is a bullet-proof bet. If they don’t torture us today, surely they will tomorrow. For now, keep firing those homers, Lindor.
News
Polls seem to have Vance winning the debate, which reminded us of what John D. Rockefeller had to say about the position, “I never want to be the Vice President of anything.” At the end of the day, both these guys are bums, unless of course Trump is elected and then has a coronary.
SB 1047 is the California bill that regulates AI models and makes developers liable if their models cause problems, or short-circuit and blow up the house. Newsom vetoed the bill for not being comprehensive enough. Oh yeah? This is like showing up to Rosh Hashanah dinner and refusing to eat brisket because you had already had it for lunch. You can’t double up?
Marketplace
→ Limited Edition Rabbi Blowing Shofar Sculpture ($148)
A little bit of a croissant in this shofar, but it’s hefty. Almost 6 lbs. And it’s limited. 414/500.
→ Shofar ($300, Charleston WV)
Probably the only shofar in the state of West Virginia could be yours!
→ Classifieds: Want to run your own classified in this very section? Reach over 7800 subscribers (a few even open the emails!). Email info@oldjewishmen.net.
Weekly Mishmash
→ Market Roundup
Dow Jones: $42155.53
Average price gallon of streimel in Williamsburg: $8000
NIS/USD: 3.79
Breakfast for one at Landmark Diner: $9.65
Dental cleaning, Boca: $145.89
→ Joke of the Week (Woody Allen):
“If it turns out that there is a God...the worst that you can say about him is that basically he's an underachiever.”
→ Complaint of the Week: (Max Chiswick)
What are you supposed to do with all this honey after Rosh Hashanah? Exchange maple syrup for honey on my pancakes? How much honey are we wasting post-holiday? When does honey expire?
→ Ask the (Eastern Standard Time) Rabbi
Wed Oct 2:
6:35pm: Rosh Hashanah begins
Thurs Oct 3:
Oh, the agony of living in the diaspora
Fri Oct 4:
6:32pm: Shabbat begins
7:44pm: First food break in the last 48 hours
Sat Oct 5:
3:33pm: Post Lunch Double Mitzvah Round 2 (yikes)
7:11pm: Shabbat ends (Next Shabbos no more sweets)