There are things in life people tell you to do that don’t make a lick of sense. For years I saved all my shoelaces from every pair of shoes I ever had because when I was a kid, my Uncle Frank told me that ‘someday, there will be a shoelace shortage and you don’t want to be caught with your pants down.’
We’ll never know if Uncle Frank was right about his prediction, because I switched to velcro shoes many years ago, but now that I’m an old man I’ve got my own piece of life advice:
Ditch the bottom sheet...forever!
Don’t look back. No matter how scratchy your mattress is or how irritated the skin on your back gets, don’t compromise!
If your wife complains, divorce her! She doesn’t value her own time!
I didn’t realize how much time I was wasting every six months by using a fitted bottom sheet. In fact, washing and fitting the sheet became so stressful at one point that I stopped doing laundry all together. I couldn’t stand the idea of struggling with the sheet as it popped off the sides of the bed while I tried to fit the other side.
Now I breathe a sigh of relief. I’ve been bottom-sheet-free for over a year and I have so much more time to do the things I like. Instead of struggling with the bottom sheet I can get my back to my one true love: pickling chewing gum -- that’s right you heard it here first!
To conserve even more time I’m looking into ways to stop clipping my toenails and I already stopped wearing underwear.
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