Learn how to convince people to waste their time instead of yours. The Idiots Guide to Schlepping (part 2)

Baiting and bargaining. Time is the only currency that matters.

There are a lot of variables in play when it comes to deciding who has to schlep where. Everything is fair game.

Who has the tastier snack food? 

Who has the bigger house? Central air conditioning? 

Whose kids are less annoying? 

Who schlepped last time? 

Train convenience? 

Who has a bike and who has a car?

Who has a bad hip? 

These are all in play when negotiating the schlep. There are infinite forces and factors to consider while moving the bargaining pieces across the board. 

Time, food, convenience, pride, self worth, obligation and so on. 

The winner of course shall remain stationary for the evening. 

Here’s a hypothetical. What if you have a social instigator who also happens to be someone who refers clients to your business? Do you always schlep to them? Do they own your time even if they’re constantly initiating in-person contact?

Are they are of how much power they have over you. Would your refusal to schlep cause your bottomline to suffer? 

It’s hard to say, which is why you need a schlepping plan, and you need one tout de suite. 

Without procedure, you’ll spend half your life looking for a parking spot. 

Here’s an example of a schlepping story. Let us know what you think. 

Let’s say there’s a small friend group dispersed throughout New York — all of them close enough to a train. 

The friend group is composed of mostly artistic types who aren’t exactly rolling in dough. However, one of the friends in the group works at a bank and does quite well. More than quite well, actually. 

He’s rolling in it.

While the other friends pull in lower wages, they also have more flexible schedules. Their days are undefined and in the eyes of the banker it makes sense for them to do the majority of the schlepping.  

After all, as much as the banker loves his friends, he only has so much time. He also happens to have the best apartment — a conveniently located duplex near several train lines. 

For years the unofficial agreement is that everyone schleps to the banker's house for dinner on the condition that the banker picks up the tab. It’s an unspoken rule, but that’s how it goes. The banker also provides an endless supply of liquor, marijuana, and random outbursts about the bond yield curve dispersed generously throughout the night. 

When the evening is over, which is usually around midnight or one, the artistic friends are too tired to take the train home, since it could easily take an hour. They opt for Uber, and pay for it themselves while the banker retires to his quarters to sleep off the hangover. 

The question is…is this a fair trade? 

Is there a winner here? 

When you subtract the travel time to get to the banker's house, and then subtract the cost of the Uber – what is the actual cost for dinner? 

Let’s say the banker is paying $50 bucks a head for dinner, which is on the high end. 

Subtract the flat rate transportation cost of $3 for the train to his house + the cost of the uber (average is 27 dollars from Williamsburg to Bedstuy) = $30. 

However, this doesn’t account for opportunity cost (the transportation both ways). 

While they were traveling to the banker's house, the banker could have been using that time to make more money. During their Uber back home, the banker was able to sleep and be well rested (and not hungover) for work the next day. 

Who came out ahead? What would you do?

More in The Idiots Guide to Schlepping (Part 3)