No matter how lost you are, never ask for directions
it's better to wander around aimlessly for hours or days instead of asking some nobody
You could be in the middle of the Sahara with nothing but an empty water bottle, a string of dental floss and heat stroke, and you’d be telling passing bedouins on camelback which way is west.
“I’ve never been lost in my entire life,” insists Gussy Shultz, a ninety-eight year old guitar pick salesman who has never left Brooklyn.
“Never.”
It’s in your blood to never admit to not knowing where you are. Even if you’re late, have no idea which way is what and gotta rush the toilet like it’s the capitol, do not admit defeat.
Do not ask for directions.
Even when you travel to Europe you know better than anyone else where things are. After all, every European city looks exactly the same. The canal? Sure. It’s in that general area, near the water. If some bum asks where the Eiffel Tower is, pick a random direction and point. If they disagree scream, “Why the hell are you asking if you already know?!”
“I’d rather have open heart surgery again than ask for directions,” Ernie Gupman tells one of our highly qualified journalists in a strongly worded ten thousand page missive.
At the end of the day you should spend your time giving people unsolicited directions, not asking for them.
“Sometimes I’ll go up to the theatre district and stand on the corner. It’s nice giving people directions. I enjoy it. The other night I told some family from Iowa sixty seven different ways to get from 60th street to 64th street without taking a cab or train,” Ernie says.
At the end of the day you’re a giver, not a taker. Call it a public service.