For whatever reason we get sent a lot of jokes and quotes every week from various bored people. Some are good, some are terrible and a few are terrific. Here’s our favorites with no attribution. This way, you can judge the joke for the joke, not the comic.
"My brother in law is German. He came to me and said 'I can't get a good bagel at home!' and I said, 'well whose fault is that?'
"I had the right to remain silent, but I didn't have the ability."
"I used to do drugs. I still do, but I used to, too."
“I got an ant farm; them fellas didn't grow shit. I said “C’mon, what about some celery? You fuckers don’t farm."
"I went to the store to buy a candleholder, they didn't have any, so I bought a cake."
"I hate to travel, I think it's because my dad used to beat me with a globe."
"Inside every cynic is a disappointed idealist."
"Imagine Pulitzer prize fighting."
“The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other in opposite directions.”