OJMarkets: Ask your local Lawyer
There's an AAPL in the toilet. It's a Casino. Bob picks Lemonade. Shekel dumps.
Market Roundup
Bitcoin: Sure it popped back up after a little bit of blood-letting, but our Chief Finance Officer, Marty Goldweiner still ain’t touching it. Before BTC runs to 200k there will be a big dump. Wait for it to dial back to 75k before you get in. Nothing goes straight up, unless of course you have some medical assistance.
Average price of a divorce in Sheepshead Bay, Brooklyn. Sometimes it’s worth it to just stay in the same house and ignore each other until death. Less paperwork.
NIS/USD: 3.55. Slight drop after the recent deal. the post-war tide is finally going out…now we’ll see how if Israel’s finance office gets caught with their pants down.
Resuscitation in America: You’re better off carrying around your own defibrillator kit in hopes that the nearest stranger gives a shit.
Urethra tear rejuvenation (from kidney stone passage): Whatever they’re charging, pay it.
Carrots: Up this week after recent OJM research cites that carrots firm up bowel movements and increase hair growth. Hey, every follicle counts!
AAPL: If you took our advice last week you’d have saved yourself 7% off the top. There’s still time to get out. Nancy Pelosi just disclosed her positions here and guess what? She ran for the exits. Get out while you still can. The shit house is burning down and you don’t wanna be inside when the last timber falls.
Legal
Howard Baggerstein is a semi-retired lawyer and OJM’s legal advice columnist. Howard is married to the law, which means he’s single. Very, very single.
Howard says that he’s happiest when yelling at someone in court. He lives to make his opponents cower. Cowering leads to settling.
Every week Howard will be fielding legal questions from the OJM audience.
Send Howard your legal questions at info@oldjewishmen.net with the header: SUE ME.
Q - I’ve been getting emails for a fitness club in Boca Raton. I’ve never been to Florida. I live in Toronto. I’ve tried unsubscribing, but the emails still come. It’s bad enough I get spam emails, but now they’ve personalized them. The latest one had my first name in the subject and offered me 20% off a new membership. I feel like they’re taunting me! This an invasion of privacy right? We have anti-spam laws in Canada. I can use those laws against this place right?
T. Mandel. Toronto, ON.
Howard- I’d be upset too if all they’re offering is 20% off! But yes, Canada’s anti-spam laws apply to foreign businesses if they’re emailing a Canadian without consent. Now, here’s what you do—make them a counteroffer. Start with 40% off the listed membership rate, they waive the initiation fees, 2 personal training sessions on the house, and 7 complimentary guest passes or smoothies (you decide which you want). Todd, I wouldn’t settle for less than 25% off membership, no initiation fees, and at least 5 smoothies with extra protein.
Q- I had a friend, let’s call him Adam. Adam had a problem where 2 or 3 times a week his lunch would get stolen at work. He tried a few things like writing his name on his food, switched to only bringing leftovers, and putting notes and signs up. None of that would make a difference, and his lunch would still get taken. Last week Adam reached his breaking point. He decided to do something that would let the thief know he's not messing around anymore. So, Adam put diced ghost peppers in his pasta salad. Sure enough, his lunch got taken that day. Can I sue him for my medical bills and for pain and suffering caused? Adam’s pasta salad burned my throat and gave me an ulcer.
Gabe Frankel, Minneapolis, Minn.
Howard- Can you sue Adam? Sure – you can sue anybody for anything. It doesn’t mean you’ll win. The question you should have asked me is whether you have a chance of winning if you did sue him. But you didn’t ask that Gabe, so you won’t get that answer from me. Instead, here’s a quote from the Jewish Wrestler, Macho Man Randy Savage (his mother was Jewish), “You’ve got lust in your eyes, and in your black heart!”
Bob’s Corner
Why is life insurance such a good business? This isn’t the first time that Bob has tried to convince our audience to buy into the life insurance game. What’s his obsession with the sector?
Simple: fear and cash flow.
We’re all certain of death, but unsure of the timing. We all fear death, but don’t want to be there when it happens. This is why the life insurance business is a bulletproof: it’s irresponsible NOT to have it. Is there any other business where if you don’t own the product you’re morally culpable?
Here is a life insurance stock that we feel might be undervalued:
Plenty of cash on the balance sheet. An Israeli Ceo. They’re just now starting to advertise in US markets. This ain’t financial advice, but take a look at it.
→ Joke of the Day (Bernard Baruch):
“The main purpose of the stock market is to make fools of as many men as possible.”
I've made 200,000 taking your financial advice