OJMarkets: what'd you pay for that shtreimel?

AAPL is a scam. butthole coin. Mel Gibson loses his shorts. The hell is a Kolpik?

Welcome to the 3rd edition of OJM’s new experimental Markets post. We’re looking for writers. We had a few people contact us, but they were mostly over-qualified. We’re looking for someone semi-qualified with questionable integrity — we don’t need no MBA!

OJMarkets wants goldbugs who understand the fine workings of the Hawk Tuah Coin rug pull, conspiratorial twenty-somethings that hoard gold and silver apocalypse coins and know exactly how much uranium China has in its reserves. We also want someone smoking hot… with an accent.

Is this you? Contact us!

Market Roundup

Bitcoin: Down 10% since the last OJMarkets. Marty Goldweiner told you last week not to touch it, hopefully you listened. There’s still a lot of blood-letting on this junk before it’s time to buy it back.

Average price of knee replacement in Minsk, Belarus. A fresh knee will run you about 550 bones. However, you can get 15-20% off when you get five or more implants installed all at once.

NIS/USD: 3.67 - slight uptick after recent falafel ball factory opening in Beer Sheva