Old Jewish Men Association cuts off Russian shvitz pipeline

'hit 'em where it hurts,' says OJM association spokesman, Mendy Applebaum.

The Old Jewish Men Association has decided to turn off the Russian shvitz, believing that this will ‘hit the Russians where it hurts the most.”

“Russian men love the bathhouse,” says key OJM Association bookkeeper, Micky Dicksliver. “Without it they’re completely confused.”

Many people forget that the OJM Shvitz Association sent in ten old Jewish men spies to infiltrate the Russian shvitz during the Cold War.

“During times of instability, the Russians are most vulnerable at the shvitz. Without it their entire life force is drained. If you can turn off the Russian nozzle, you turn off the Russian will.”

This past week has been tough on the Russians. After getting hosed by a much weaker military power, having their assets frozen, and a cratering stock market, the shvitz is the last refuge for Russian men.

“Who would have thought that the Old Jewish Men Association would break the camels back?” Dicksliver shrugs. “Heh.”

Many Russians didn’t consider that losing access to their precious shvitz was even a possibility, given how tightly attached the nozzle is on the shvitz pipeline.

“We hired a gentile to close the nozzle,” says association Vice President of water upkeep, Ben Noobleman. “None of us have strong enough hands or wrists. That nozzle was very tight. It was very difficult, even for the gentile to twist. Luckily, he has a thick, masculine wrist and tough fingers, perfect for twisting.”

At press time digital images taken from US satellites see hoards of old Russian men aimlessly wandering the street in towels and flip flops.