PROTECT YOURSELF FROM INFLATION

invest in non-fungible cured beef

Inflation. It’s out of control. What used to cost three bucks now costs five bucks. Next thing you know, it will cost eight bucks. See what I mean?

You gotta protect yourself and your family. I’ll tell you what I’m doing: putting 100% of my money in cured beef. But not just any cured beef–this is a NON-FUNGIBLE BEEF TOKEN. That means that if I have a side of beef, nobody else has that. See? You understand? 

Let me break it down. Cured beef lasts forever. That’s why you wanna buy it when prices are going sky high. But there’s a problem: I don’t want anyone else to have my beef. I want to keep that beef FOR MYSELF. That’s where technology comes in. 

This technology is incredible. Now if someone wants to get their hands on my beef? Guess what: they can’t, because my beef is linked to a non-fungible token which says PROPERTY OF SOL ROSENSTEIN, GET YOUR FILTHY HANDS OFF MY BEEF. 

My nephew is an idiot. He’s buying non-fungible tokens of made up unicorns. I says to him: what the hell you gonna do with an animated unicorn when the economy crashes? You gonna eat it? He’ll come running to me, begging for beef. God he’s stupid. I swear, he’s the stupidest kid you’ll ever meet. I told him a power plant is clean energy cuz it’s made from plants. PLANTS. The kid just nods and goes wow thanks uncle Sol, you’re so smart.

I’m telling you–you’ve never met a kid this stupid. I took him out for a nice dinner at a Persian place last week, because his mom–my sister–is a horrible cook. I thought I’d be nice to the kid. The kid BRINGS IN HIS OWN CAN OF PEPSI. Jesus christ. This is a classy establishment. Do I have to say it explicitly–YOU CAN’T BRING IN YOUR OWN SOFT DRINKS IDIOT. I can’t spell out everything explicitly. I don’t say, hey kid don’t step into an open manhole when you’re walking down the street. Do I have to seriously spell these things out

He’ll be coming for my beef. Mark my words. You’ll all be knocking down my door saying c’mon Sol, you were right. Gimme some cured beef! But it’s non-fungible. That means it’s MINE. 

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