Special Bulletin: OJM goes to world's largest facial hair convention
Two courageous OJM correspondents went undercover in Crown Heights to see what all the beards are about...
Every year thousands of heavily whiskered, nearly identical looking Jewish Men, all smelling faintly of kugel, gather in Crown Heights for what is called the shluchim photo. Why do they do this? Well, scholars say rabbis want to keep track of whose wooly-mammoth is growing faster year-over-year, which apparently has its place in Genesis. Rabbi Akivah teaches that the hair follicle was created on the sixth day, around the same time G-d caught a re-run of Queen Latifah in Beauty Shop on TBS — a coincidence debated by generations of rabbis. This original lock, according to Rabbi Schnetznickstein, is the seed of every mustache and goatee we see today, and according to lore: had a little bit of schmear stuck in it.
The Big Book clearly states that “the longer/thicker thy bush the more respek thine commands, especially in rougher neighborhoods.”
Below are the photos from the shluchim photo event on Eastern Parkway in Brooklyn. Thanks to our correspondents for your great field work. The t-shirt in the photos is not currently listed, but if you’re interested in purchasing one say so in the comments. All proceeds go to charity. Yes, you read that correctly.
Flex your Chabad visitation history with your own map at Chabad.EARTH and share your link with us in the comments or by email. We’ll pick two arbitrary winners to get a free t-shirt of their choosing.
Onto the beards…
Phew, what a wild ride that was. Thanks for tuning in. One day you too can attend such a convention.
All you have to do is…
Stop shaving!