Think you're better than me? Tipping on takeout doesn't make you a good person.
and NOT tipping on takeout doesn't make you a monstrous asshole
Let’s get one thing straight: tipping on takeout is a fine thing to do. Go ahead and do it if it makes you feel good. You’re generous, but the odds are you resent the fact that society has whipped you into this excessive act.
Is it gratuity if you resent it?
To clarify, the workers who package and handle your drunken noodle to-go are working. They’re laboring and deserve to be compensated for their efforts, but not by you. It’s a pain in the ass to plate and squeeze all those greasy noodles and packets into little plastic containers, but why must the consumer bear the burden of guilt?
The entire point of opting in to takeout is to opt out of gratuity. When someone delivers food to your house that is a tippable service. No one deserves to have food brought to their door for free. When you sit down at a restaurant you are opting-in to an additional charge: You’re taking up space at someone’s establishment; using their water, their heat, their cooling system, sucking their air and soiling their napkins.
You can’t not tip the guy refilling your water glass. But takeout?
We’ve failed as a society if customers are being pressured to opt-in to something they’ve chosen to opt-out of because of a tipping screen. If tipping on takeout becomes as mandatory as dining in, why takeout at all ever? Why not just sit at a restaurant all day clogging their toilet?
The point here is that you can’t be criticized for not tipping on takeout. You are not a bad person and don’t deserve to be condemned by the worker handing you a plastic bag full of plastic containers over the counter, or the schmuck glancing at the tip screen next to you in line.
As a customer, you deserve to pay for your food and promptly exit the restaurant. That’s the agreement. That’s the real takeout social contract. Signed, sealed and delivered.