Sit down. We got some big news:
Announcing the OJM Substack: Essential news for non-essential people.
We’re pretty sure this newsletter is gonna knock your socks off–but in fairness, Lenny Silverstein said the same thing about this Lithuanian company that sells canned cocktail onions, and everyone in the office lost their shirts on that stock. So we’ll see.
Here’s what you’ll get in this Substack:
The latest in fashion: Waistbands that allow for blood flow, wide velcro shoes, and once-white whitey-tighties.
Hard hitting news that matters: Global Warming is threatening the existence of whole fat cottage cheese!
A new radio show by Gary Berkowitz’s nephew, the one who lives in a bunker below the F line. We call him Mister Information because he helps us understand what the hell is going on in this fakakta world.
Eight Things of Stuff. Yeah, that’s right. Lists of eight things. That’s it. That’s the shtick. Maybe we should have given it a little more thought.
Whatever other content we can squeeze out of this unpaid intern we got from Bryn Mawr, before she realizes this isn’t a non-profit dedicated to securing legal rights for house plants–and that she’s definitely not earning any college credit this summer.
We know you’re probably broke, so you’ll be getting most of this stuff for free.
But if you subscribe you’ll get the juicy premium stuff–like interviews of real people, lovingly transcribed by our unpaid intern. We also might tease you by keeping the top-ranked bagel place in our power rankings behind the paywall.
If you’re too broke to subscribe, shoot us an email and Sol Rosenstein will give you some tips on committing credit card fraud.
Welcome to the OJM Substack. For issues or complaints please send a fax to our customer service department, where it will be promptly ignored.
-mgmt