Welcome to the OJM VALUE GUIDE

It's Prime Day, folks. Here are the OJM Prime Cuts.

This newsletter is a real guide to help you find every day value and long term value. It’s never too early to start planning your death. Land is disappearing fast and we’re running out of wood.

Most purchases are made without research or consideration. Who has time to think about why Charmin TP is suddenly on sale? Ever consider that the more expensive option is sometimes, occasionally the better long term option?

Are you aware that thin scratchy toilet paper can lead to expensive medical procedures?

It’s funny, but ain’t a joke.

You’ll see posts about all kinds of value and what to keep in your wallet — a single credit card, a few credit cards, or something more extreme.

Our team of qualified value experts rates products according to these basic metrics (subject to change, we’ll see how it goes, for now if it doesn’t apply we’ll make something up):

• Convenience

• Health

• Luxury

• Enjoyment

• Kosher

• Price Drop

Aside from price evaluation, this guide will recommend items to improve daily life: travel adapters, diapers, longer phone cords, pillows to improve posture and ease pain, and a few things that our experts consider “fun”.

In life, one should always refrain from over-spending or over-straining. Money makes us comfortable, and the best way to have money is a) not spend and b) understand value when making purchases.

It’s the sellers job to convince you to buy their product, and your job as a consumer to know if you’re getting a good deal.

Amazon Prime is mostly a scam, but we have our first annual OJM Prime recommendations here (we don’t get any dough for these, mostly because we’re too lazy to set up affiliate links).

1. Is an Amazon Prime Membership good value? If you don’t have Prime, get a free trial if you haven’t been a Prime member in the last 12 months. Or just sign up for a single month for $14.99 and take advantage of Prime Day. Better yet, sign up with your business so that you can write it off. “It’s a write off, Jerry!”

   

2. Bose QuietComfort 45 headphones for $229 (from $329): These are great for bad first dates.

   

3. Crest 3D Whitestrips kit for $29.99 (from $45.99): Beats paying the dentist, and will trick people into thinking you have nice, healthy teeth.

   

4. 2022 Kindle for $64.99 (from $99.99): Who has room for books in Basic Economy? You can get the entire Mishnah on Kindle.

   

5. Apple Watch Series 8 for $279.99/$309.99 (from $399/$429): We say go for the 8 series. This one really caters to OJM ailments — it’s got a huge display (vision degeneration), fast charging (impatience), and an electric heart sensor (heart health).

   

6. [DEAD BEFORE WE COULD POST] Fiji Water 36 330 mL bottles for ~$16 or Evian Water 12 1.5L bottles for ~$22: Make sure you clip the coupon for 50% off your first subscribe (cancel subscription after you get the water, who can afford these at full price??)

   

Sick of Bezos? Here are some non-Prime Day picks that are half Bezos-free (he’s everywhere).

1. If you’re an OJM, consider a National Parks and Federal Recreational Lands Senior Pass for your summer travels. It’s only $80 for a lifetime of park visits or $20 for a year. Be sure to get the lifetime one on your 62nd birthday for full value!

   

2. Is your short iPhone charger giving you arthritis? Upgrade to 6 ft!

   

3. Pay your respects to the Rebbe by taking a cheap $7 ride on the Ohel Bus. That’s round trip, folks! Airport hack: If you have a flight out of JFK this will get you pretty close.

   

4. Never buy travel adapters in foreign countries — they never work. Get this adapter and have it the rest of your life. Adapters are like movie snacks, always bring your own.