Why do I have to schlep? This is ridiculous! The Idiot's Guide to Schlepping (part 1)

tired of hauling across town? here is the social framework you need to negotiate with the guy who asked to meet in midtown.

It doesn’t matter where you live in the world, you don’t want to be the sucker stuck in transit. There’s no schlep that isn’t worth making a fuss about. A schlep is a schlep. Moving from one point to another is an imposition on your time, energy and comfort.

Even if it’s the next door neighbor asking you for coffee and cake, one party is always winning the battle of home field advantage.

Why should they get to be in the comfort of their home and not you? Why do they get to pick the seating arrangement?

Maybe they have a swimming pool and you don’t even have a shower curtain. Perhaps they have central air and you have a collection of junky plastic fans.

Are they trying to humiliate you? This should always be in the back of your mind.

Showoffs…

Life is a series of negotiations and compromises. Know your bargaining power. Understand the social framework so you don’t end up stuck in traffic. Are they gonna pay for your hospital bed when you get clubbed on the subway on your way to see them?

Don’t be afraid to walk away or splash tea in your neighbors face when they try to sell you on their ‘much larger television.’

Everyone has a big tv these days.

Once people see you as the guy (or gal) willing to schlep to the ends of the earth for a useless “coffee meeting,” it’s hard to turn the ship around.

Remember the episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm when Larry and Jason Alexander make plans to work on a new show, but never end up meeting because neither one of them wants to drive across Los Angeles?

Who was in the right and who was the asshole?

Lesson #1: the person who initiates the meeting is responsible for the majority of the schlep. However, like everything else in life: this can be negotiated.

For example: A friend is in town on business and has a tight window in which they can meet. But they REALLY want to see you for some reason.

You live in godknowswhere and they’re in SoHo (these people are always in SoHo). And by the time they schlep to godknowswhere to meet you there’s only ten minutes to chat.

So…as the initiator, aka the friend with the tight window, they should offer to pay for lunch or coffee (or a sweat rag) or whatever else the schlepper demands. If you travel, you should get something for your time.

Don’t travel for nothing.

In Part Two: someone else initiated, but they also are objectively more important than you.

Who schleps?