BHIF: They’re not the same guy??
The Rebbe. Another guide to New York? More suffering. No more sweepstakes. Wood in the wild. Is skin cancer real? Beat the hypertension.
Welcome to BHIF for Friday October 25, 2024. Baruch Hashem (Thank God) It’s Friday is The Old Jewish Men weekly roundup where we get to all the crap that actually matters in the world. Obituary winners. Matchmaking. Market watch. Marketplace finds. Complaint of the week. You get the picture.
No Tech Shabbat?
We take it easy on shabbos over here at the OJM offices, aside from the occasional swing trade on the NIKKEI . If you’re interested in participating in some form of a no/limited technology shabbos experience, let us know. We’re gettin a form together. Everyone likes a form.
Living Healthy
Unhappy with your 5784 blood pressure ? It’s time to get those systolic numbers up for 5785. Beat the hypertension!
There’s tap water, there’s purified water, there’s spring water, and then there’s spring water sans microplastics …but have you tried REBBE WATER?
Not sure why this cooler didn’t make it to Paris for the olympics. There would have been a lot more broken records.
OJM Around Town
Which one is Dave and which one is Aaron? Yeah, there’s two of ‘em and they both need a haircut. Here they are with the maestro, Nick Heller, as he gets trimmed up before his big book event. The fellas are featured several times in the book along with Dani Luv.
The Old Jewish Men’s Guide now has the honor of being the least expensive item sold at Susan Alexandra’s shop at 32 Orchard Street on the Lower East Side.
We’re halfway there, folks. The Mets are out and the Knicks just got bulldozed by the Celtics on opening night. Suffer now or suffer later. Either way you’re getting the shirt.
This was last week. You blew it. You coulda saved on shipping. Or maybe you’re a big shot with better things to worry about than saving five bucks.
Another day, another fan who needs to get a life (and a haircut).
Dave and Aaron were irate that the Strand didn’t have their book, The Old Jewish Men’s Guide to Eating, Sleeping and Futzing Around and started to yell at the counter person, until they found out that the was book sold out.
Woody is back on the New York party scene and he’s looking more pleated than ever. We count 6 pleats in those khakis, one short of a half baker's dozen.
Bearded Colorado man reading Jewish philosophy book with furrowed brow.
News
→ NYSE Arca Equities to Extend Weekday Trading to 22 Hours
“The New York Stock Exchange said Friday that it plans to extend weekday trading on its NYSE Arca equities exchange to 22 hours a day.” Looks like we’ll only be sleeping from the hours of 11:30pm to 1:30am now.
→ Sports
Tonight kicks off a world series that nobody with any humanity wants to see. The only thing worse than a Yankees/Dodgers matchup of the millionaires is if the Red Sox were in the mix. Who are we rooting for? Who cares? It’s over for us. It’s time to switch gears. It’s the NBA season and the suffering has already begun. The Knicks got creamed opening night by the Celtics, who show no signs of slowing down. The worst part? The greenies were without arguably their most important player, the Eastern European mutant, Kristaps Porzingis. If he’s healthy, there’s almost no way we don’t see another Celtics victory march through Brookline next June. Don’t be an idiot, take the Celtics championship futures bet at +300.
Marketplace
It might’ve been demoted from top of newsletter to down here, but get ‘em before we get sued (seriously)
→ Keter Tefillin Tote Bag ($15, Cedarhurst NY)
The one thing that’s been stopping you from wrapping tefillin everyday since you turned 13 is that you don’t have the right tote bag. Finally, the Keter Tefillin Tote is here and you can have two for the low price of $15. Available in the Five Towns.
→ Classifieds: Want to run your own classified in this very section? Reach over 8000 subscribers (a few even open the emails!). Email info@oldjewishmen.net.
Weekly Mishmash
→ Market Roundup
Dow Jones: $42552.16
Average price of hurricane insurance in Miami (annual): $5500
NIS/USD: 3.79
Breakfast for one at the Ritz in New York: $65
Colonoscopy, Jacksonville: $136.86
→ Joke of the Week (David Letterman)
“There’s no business like show business, but there are several businesses like accounting.”
→ Complaint of the Week (Horace [redacted], NY)
It’s about time that people start getting major tickets for double parking in New York. As a driver I can’t take it anymore. Why is this ok? There’s a bus lane, a bike line, and two lanes for cars but half the time only one is available because drivers, most delivery guys and uber drivers idle in the lane. I would take the train but I don’t wanna get stabbed. My wife refuses to let me or any of my kids use the train. Ever since covid she said it’s too dangerous so now I’m spending half my life in the car and I hate it.
→ Ask the (Eastern Standard Time) Rabbi
Does your job give you Jewish holidays off? About time you get back to the office. Racking up a double mitzvah doesn’t count as work, even if it feels like it.
Fri Oct 25:
6:00pm: Shabbat begins
Sat Oct 26:
6:40pm: Shabbat ends